And now, a close reading of Relationships FML: Dating after Harvard (for women), a dating advice column written by “Some Dude” affiliated with Harvard lifestyle publication The Voice.
Some Dude writes:
“I’m not going to sugarcoat it: in the post-college dating world, men have it easier. They continue to grow up emotionally and become more attractive because of it. Women tend to mature earlier, which is great for them at the time, but they don’t have that to look forward to after college. On the other hand, as they get older, it means that the quality of the best men available to them increases, so don’t fret if you haven’t met your soulmate yet: he could be worth the wait.”
Translation: Women are straight and peak in college. Yup, that’s right. After college, women cease to mature emotionally at ALL, which means that all they have to look forward to after college is maturing…physically? Men, however, keep getting more and more awesome and manly over time. Actually, being a man in general is great. Did I mention that we can pee standing up?
Some Dude writes:
So, how do you meet those higher-quality men? As I recommended to men last week, the solution isn’t to go looking for places where the best single guys look for girls. Why not? Multiple reasons, actually. The competition, of course: it’s easier to stand out when you’re standing alone, rather than in a pack (and you’re also more approachable that way). But also, in places where women go looking for relationships, you will often find a lot of opportunistic guys looking for just sex. If what you really want is a relationship, don’t settle.
Translation: It is definitely healthy to frame dating as a market in which women place competing bids on the rare and precious commodity also known as “men who aren’t douchebags.” Women are still really straight and shouldn’t go to places where “the best” single guys are looking for girls because “the best” single guys won’t pick them because women hate each other and will switch your foot cream with your face cream and feed you Kalteen bars to “help you lose weight” but really they’re just trying to make you fat. Also don’t go to places where other women look for relationships because then you’ll get all sad and desperate and sleep with a rando.
Some Dude writes:
Instead, look for places where single guys congregate when they’re not looking for a date — not necessarily only guys, or even only single guys, so long as single guys are part of the mix and there are very few single women looking for single men. My favorite go-to example is PAX East, an annual video game conference in Boston. There will be many undateable guys there too — but any woman present will have first pick of any guy she wants because there are so few women. (Yes, even the best quality men play video games.) Similar situations can be found at a variety of volunteer projects, particularly outdoorsy ones that are more likely to attract guys.
Translation: Go to places where a) no one is looking for a date and b) where you will be vastly outnumbered by hordes of sweaty young men (women are still straight). Go to these places even if you have no interest in the activity that takes place there and can’t talk about it at all; the men will be so horny that they won’t even notice. This is a good way to build a relationship based on mutual interests and respect.
Some Dude writes:
Another idea for post-college women: move to a city on the West Coast. The Boston Globe ran an article a few years ago on concentrations of single men and single women around the country. Boston is very usual, in that there are tons of both single men and women here, in nearly equal proportion. You can literally boost your luck by moving somewhere where the odds are stacked in your favor, as they are on the West Coast.
Translation: You clearly have nothing else going on in your life, since you’re reading this column, so why don’t you just, you know, drop everything and MOVE, you selfish cow.
Some Dude writes:
While men are often totally oblivious to how to improve their dating lives, women are usually painfully aware of their biggest flaws, but only see the hardest possible path to overcoming them and get discouraged. I hear over and over from women who are worried about their weight or their bust size — how attractive you are to a guy isn’t bound up in those, and the sooner you break out of that thinking, the better. Expensive plastic surgery or significant lifestyle changes are hardly required. How you move, how you dress, how you sound, and more can all be used to give yourself an immediate boost, with much less effort.
Translation: God, women are so WHINY sometimes. Why are they SO insecure? So just like, change how you move, dress, and sound, actually just like change EVERYTHING about yourself except don’t get plastic surgery because that’s, you know, slutty.
Some Dude writes:
Some other good news: in most US cities, women in their 20s now earn more than men. Money can’t buy happiness, but it does buy stability and confidence, which helps every aspect of your life, not just dating. A woman’s life after college looks pretty good all around.
Translation: This has nothing to do with anything I’ve been saying, but guess what? Before you get married and have babies and all of that stuff, you’ll make more money than your male peers, so you can use those 8 years of your life to make up for the remaining 35 years where you’ll make like 80 cents on the dollar compared to the men in your office. Try not to get TOO down about it, they’re just being compensated for their continued emotional growth, you know? Yeah life after college for women is really great.
