The Garage
36 JFK Street
(617) 491-2545
Mon-Sun: 11am-12am

Chutney’s is a relative newcomer to the Garage, but it’s starting to build a following due to its winning combination of decent grub and low prices. The concept is basically an Indian burrito–Chicken Tikka wrapped up in naan with your choice of toppings and chutneys (hence the name)–and it works well as a meal on the go. Prices range from $5.50-7.50 depending on your choice of meat (or no meat). Highly recommended as an antidote to bland HUDS.

Some Dude writes:

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it: in the post-college dating world, men have it easier. They continue to grow up emotionally and become more attractive because of it. Women tend to mature earlier, which is great for them at the time, but they don’t have that to look forward to after college. On the other hand, as they get older, it means that the quality of the best men available to them increases, so don’t fret if you haven’t met your soulmate yet: he could be worth the wait.”

Translation: Women are straight and peak in college. Yup, that’s right. After college, women cease to mature emotionally at ALL, which means that all they have to look forward to after college is maturing…physically? Men, however, keep getting more and more awesome and manly over time. Actually, being a man in general is great. Did I mention that we can pee standing up?

Some Dude writes:

So, how do you meet those higher-quality men? As I recommended to men last week, the solution isn’t to go looking for places where the best single guys look for girls. Why not? Multiple reasons, actually. The competition, of course: it’s easier to stand out when you’re standing alone, rather than in a pack (and you’re also more approachable that way). But also, in places where women go looking for relationships, you will often find a lot of opportunistic guys looking for just sex. If what you really want is a relationship, don’t settle.

Translation: It is definitely healthy to frame dating as a market in which women place competing bids on the rare and precious commodity also known as “men who aren’t douchebags.” Women are still really straight and shouldn’t go to places where “the best” single guys are looking for girls because “the best” single guys won’t pick them because women hate each other and will switch your foot cream with your face cream and feed you Kalteen bars to “help you lose weight” but really they’re just trying to make you fat. Also don’t go to places where other women look for relationships because then you’ll get all sad and desperate and sleep with a rando.

Some Dude writes:

Instead, look for places where single guys congregate when they’re not looking for a date — not necessarily only guys, or even only single guys, so long as single guys are part of the mix and there are very few single women looking for single men. My favorite go-to example is PAX East, an annual video game conference in Boston. There will be many undateable guys there too — but any woman present will have first pick of any guy she wants because there are so few women. (Yes, even the best quality men play video games.) Similar situations can be found at a variety of volunteer projects, particularly outdoorsy ones that are more likely to attract guys.

Translation: Go to places where a) no one is looking for a date and b) where you will be vastly outnumbered by hordes of sweaty young men (women are still straight). Go to these places even if you have no interest in the activity that takes place there and can’t talk about it at all; the men will be so horny that they won’t even notice. This is a good way to build a relationship based on mutual interests and respect.

Some Dude writes:

Another idea for post-college women: move to a city on the West Coast. The Boston Globe ran an article a few years ago on concentrations of single men and single women around the country. Boston is very usual, in that there are tons of both single men and women here, in nearly equal proportion. You can literally boost your luck by moving somewhere where the odds are stacked in your favor, as they are on the West Coast.

Translation: You clearly have nothing else going on in your life, since you’re reading this column, so why don’t you just, you know, drop everything and MOVE, you selfish cow.

Some Dude writes:

While men are often totally oblivious to how to improve their dating lives, women are usually painfully aware of their biggest flaws, but only see the hardest possible path to overcoming them and get discouraged. I hear over and over from women who are worried about their weight or their bust size — how attractive you are to a guy isn’t bound up in those, and the sooner you break out of that thinking, the better. Expensive plastic surgery or significant lifestyle changes are hardly required. How you move, how you dress, how you sound, and more can all be used to give yourself an immediate boost, with much less effort.

Translation: God, women are so WHINY sometimes. Why are they SO insecure? So just like, change how you move, dress, and sound, actually just like change EVERYTHING about yourself except don’t get plastic surgery because that’s, you know, slutty.

Some Dude writes:

Some other good news: in most US cities, women in their 20s now earn more than men. Money can’t buy happiness, but it does buy stability and confidence, which helps every aspect of your life, not just dating. A woman’s life after college looks pretty good all around.

Translation: This has nothing to do with anything I’ve been saying, but guess what? Before you get married and have babies and all of that stuff, you’ll make more money than your male peers, so you can use those 8 years of your life to make up for the remaining 35 years where you’ll make like 80 cents on the dollar compared to the men in your office. Try not to get TOO down about it, they’re just being compensated for their continued emotional growth, you know? Yeah life after college for women is really great.

Commonly Asked Questions, Concerns, and/or Debilitating Fears about Formal Events:

Q: Who should I ask?

A: Who should you not ask? Exhaustive list below:

1. Strangers
2. Facebook friends. As in people with which you are only friends on Facebook.
3. Anyone you haven’t had more than 3 conversations with.
4. People who can’t and/or refuse to hold their alcohol.
5. Your unrequited love
6. People who post pictures of themselves taking pictures in a bathroom mirror. They will desert you to add to their collection.
7. A romantic interest (who you are not in a relationship with) who knows no one else at said event other than yourself.
8. Anyone who has ever tried to lick you^[2]
9. High schoolers

Q: How should I ask?

A: Nicely. But actually you should decide whether or not this person is your “date” to the event first. Ask yourself this question: would you mind if your guest hooked up with someone (not you) at said event? If the answer is yes, you want this person to be your date. Call them, ask them in person, bake them cupcakes, whatever, but make sure that your invitation includes some variant of the words “with me” or “my date.” If the answer is no, ask them, but include some variant of “with my friends” or “in a group” in order to signal that it’s not an exclusive date thing.^[3]

Q: Should I dance?

A: If there’s dancing, then yes. If not, I wouldn’t recommend it. Please note that you do not have to be GOOD at dancing in order to dance. This is Harvard, pretty much all of us were nerds in high school, so if we look really cool while we’re dancing, it’s probs because we’ve learned to front and/or are dancing ironically^[4]. Also you are not required to grind, as there are plenty of people out there who prefer to get to know someone before getting to know their package^[5]

Q: What if I’m awkward?

A: Again, pretty much all of us were nerds in high school. We got you.

If you’re feeling awkward, pretend like you’re not. NEVER  apologize for being awkward (or otherwise draw attention to your feelings of awkwardness) because then your date is put in the awkward position of telling you that you’re not awkward when you literally just did the MOST AWKWARD thing possible.

Note: this is not about pretending you’re someone you’re not, I would never advise that in any situation^[6], however, if your priority is to make your date comfortable, you need to make them feel like you’re comfortable. Run out of things to say? Offer to get them a drink. Too self-conscious to dance as a pair? Get some of your friends to dance with you. Someone else hit on your date? Laugh about it and move on. Don’t focus on how uncomfortable you feel, focus on how much fun you want your date to have.^[7]

Q: What’s your number one tip for making great formal memories?

A: Don’t black out^[8]

Maybe.

Look, compared to a lot of the things in the sexicon^[2], kissing is not a HUGE deal, so I don’t want to freak y’all out, but the fact of the matter is, kissing is the gateway drug to other “sensations.” If you’re a decent human being you should probs^[3] think about consent BEFORE your partner has to tell you no because he/she is uncomfortable. Where kissing is concerned, this particularly applies to M/F relationships, as there is some weird idea floating around out there that if a guy does something nice for/with a girl, such as going out for dinner, walking her home, or taking her to formal, the girl then should kiss him, even if she doesn’t want to see him again^[4].

This makes approximately zero sense to me. Regardless of how “exclusive” Fête is, if I didn’t like your mouth when it was blabbing about daddy’s time at McKinsey, I’m not going to like it on mine^[5].

Step 1: Figure out if you actually want to kiss this person by asking yourself the following questions

• Do you have a cold sore/Does your potential partner have a cold sore?
• Have you already or will you vomit?
• Is this your ex’s best friend and/or roommate?
• Do you normally hate this person?
• Are you worrying about whether or not it’s rude not to kiss this person?

If the answer to all of the above questions is no, then you are ready to move on to the next step.

Step 2: Look for the following signs that your crushbuddy does NOT want to kiss you

• Crushbud didn’t seem to enjoy talking to you
• Crushbud has never spoken to you
• Crushbud is has been playing “hard-to-get” by walking away every time you approach
• Crushbud is avoiding eye contact
• In fact, crushbud isn’t looking at you at all
• Crushbud has already turned to exit
• Crushbud is in the process of closing the door…in your face.

If none of these signs are present, proceed.

Step 3: Look for the following signs that your intended would like his/her lips to be your landing pad.

• Crushbud enjoys talking to you, and has, in fact, been making an effort to talk to you
• Crushbud smiles whenever you approach
• Crushbud is making eye contact
• Despite the fact that it is clear that crushbud is ready to leave, crushbud is lingering with you
• Crushbud does not pull away, and, in fact, seems pleased when you touch crushbud
• Crushbud is standing/sitting closer to you than necessary and is still making eye contact

If enough of these signs are present that it seems clear that crushbud actually LIKES you, you may roll again, you may pass GO, and you may collect $200.

Step 4: Kiss

Just do it ok?

Don’t use too much tongue^[6].

Conclusion

I know that these steps are kind of silly^[7], but  when it comes to lip lockin’ ^[8], you can’t just look for signs that your partner DOESN’T want to tango with your tongue; you also have to look for signs that your partner DOES want to and is in fact EXCITED about the prospect of sharing your saliva. Not having NO screamed in your face doesn’t mean that you have license to roam, if you catch my drift.

Happy kissing!

So now comes the part where you invite your paramour to theFacebook event for the party you’re throwing, hope that he/she accepts the invitation, hope that he/she does not forget that he/she accepted the invitation, hope that both of you are in that magical zone between adorably tipsy and nurstily^[4] drunk so that you can hook up without it being awkward, and then spend the rest of your lives together! Right, guys? Amirite?

The Coffee Date

The Coffee Date is essentially an excuse to have a 30 minute conversation, just you and your crushbuddy in the calming light of day^[5]. It’s short, so you don’t have to worry about coming up with things to talk about. It’s casual, so you don’t have to worry about sexysexsex. It’s usually during the day, so no one feels like they have to walk the other person to their final destination. In fact, most of the awkward gendered trappings of dating fall away when it comes to something as simple as the coffee date. There is no date with less potential to accidentally offend or make someone uncomfortable, which is why it’s often recommended as a first date.

Step 1: Ask Crushbuddy Out

On the phone: “Hi, _____, this is ______. Do you want to grab coffee with me sometime this week?”

In person: “Hi, ______. How are you doing?” blahblah chat smalltalk blahblah “I’ve got to run to my next class, but would you like to get coffee with me sometime this week?” blahblah yes “Great, what’s your number?”

On Facebook: “Hi, ______. I don’t have the guts to talk to you in real life^[6].”

On Facebook chat: I can’t even.

Step 2: Get Coffee

Meet crushbuddy at a previously agreed upon location at a previously agreed upon time. Consider getting there a little early to stake out a table if it’s a particularly busy spot or time of day.

If you’re really just getting to know this person and are not sure if you want to signal romantic intentions:

Order your drink and pay. Wait for other person to order drink and pay.

If you’re sure that you want to signal romantic intentions: 

Order your drink. Let other person order. Pay for both. Note that in the ideal situation, you should be the one to order first, otherwise you have to insert yourself into the other person’s transaction, as they are probably not going to assume that you’re paying.

Step 3: Sit Down, Drink Coffee, and Talk

Sit down, drink coffee, and talk.

Step 4: Say byebye

If it was really great:

“I have to go, but this has been really great. We should do this again sometime. I’ll call/text you.”

If it was not so great:

“I have to go, but it was nice talking to you. Have a great day/week/life^[7] and good luck with insert whatever they need good luck with.”

If you’re still deciding whether or not you want to see them again:

“I have to go, but it was nice talking to you. I’ll see you in class/at clown club/around.”

Tips n Tricks:

• Pick a coffee place that isn’t super packed or always packed with your friends, so everybody should steer clear of the Starbucks by the T Stop and hipsters should steer clear of Pamplona.
• If there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t get so freaked out that you say the first thing that pops into your head. Take a few extra seconds to formulate a question that’s actually going to lead to more conversation, rather than another awkward pause.
• That said, don’t be the person who walks into every date with a checklist of questions. If your crushbuddy wanted to date that person, they^[8] would be dating their i-banking interviewer.
• Don’t be a coffee snob. If your crushbuddy forgets to request the Fair Trade blend or orders the Cotton Candy Triple Mocha Java Chip Caramel Frappuccino, deal.
• No sexy sex talk. Sexual and reproductive health/rights talks is of course fine, but seeing as you don’t really know your crushbuddy allll that well you should probably save the discussion of your personal sexual proclivities and/or what you would like to do with/to your crushbuddy for later (this seems like it would be obvious, but I’ve heard some stories…) ^[9].

And it’s official: we missed you.

Things have been quiet on the ivyfed front as we took a little break from our newfound fame to figure out how to get better features to you, faster. After spending parts of the term and all of break on that project, we think we’ve got it figured out.

Which means more ivyfed. (That’s our first resolution.)

Just a sneak peek of what’s coming in the next few weeks:

• Better dates: where to go after you’ve figured out how to get someone to come along
• The best veggie meals — and, for when you get lazy, the best vegetarian restaurants
• Smarter shopping: finding what you’re looking for when it’s the only thing you want
• Your questions, our answers: a new advice column for the palate-fatigued, the dropped shopper, the lovesick, or the just plain confused
• More cake! For your friends, for your parents, or for our special sweepstakes winner…

Stay tuned!

-ivyfed

Did she know I do this food blogging thing? Was she hoping to take a page out of my culinary skill(s)et? No, flattering reader: we’re big, but not thaaat big. We both wandered towards the island of dressing, lifting bottle after bottle and casting each aside. Finally, she turned to me and said, “Nothing here is right.”

“I know,” I whined, half-heartedly lifting the Ranch dressing and then putting it aside. What was HUDS missing this time around?

She shrugged and put some vinegar and oil in a small dish, ready to make her own dressing. But the day called for something heftier than plain old oil and vinegar, and I spent another minute surveying the dressing arena.

And thus, a better salad — and a better dressing — were born.

Spicy cajun dressing

• small dish
• barbecue sauce
• Caesar dressing
• garlic pepper Tabasco sauce
• Old Bay seasoning

1. Place a round circle of Caesar or Ranch dressing in a dish.

2. Add a quarter-sized circle of barbecue sauce, several drops of Tabasco sauce, and a few shakes of Old Bay seasoning.

3. Whisk with a fork until evenly blended…and consume over —

Fiesta salad

• salad base — arugula, iceberg, or spinach
• onions
• corn niblets
• red or green peppers
• blue cheese
• jalapeno peppers
• one hardboiled egg, split in half
• carrots

The final product, with lots of protein, veggie munchies, and a creamy, tangy dressing. If you want to cut down the fat (which admittedly is pretty low), stick to egg whites and use half as much Caesar dressing.

So go ahead, savvy consumer — add some flair to plain jane iceberg! Dare to eat dry, tasteless chicken! This dressing is exactly what HUDS is missing — a creamy, smokey, and slightly spicy addition to salads, burritos, or wraps.

But let’s be real, guys. The most potentially offensive part of the first date^[2] has more to do with money than with sex.^[3] If you and your schmugglelumpkins can’t figure out the bill, the only thing either of you are going to be whipping out of your pants are your wallets.

So who’s paying?

The ivyfed ruling on this matter is a fresher, more mature take on “S/He who smelt it, dealt it.” You ask? You should be willing to pay, regardless of your gender. If the other person offers to split or pick up the tab, that’s a bonus, but you can’t expect/demand them to pay.^[4]

If you guys go on dates in the future, you can have a little talk about cost-sharing, but on the first date, it’s a nice gesture to pay (or try to pay), especially as picking up the check often serves as a signal of your intentions (in case you were too nervous to be clear about them in the first place). Since you’re doing the asking, you’ll probably be picking the venue, and will thus be able to choose something in your price range- Le’s, Clover, coffee, tea, or desserts are good low-cost options. There’s also a pretty good chance that your loverdoodle will offer to split the bill, in which case you can accept/not accept his/her offer depending on how strongly either of you feel about it. You shouldn’t worry about offending your crushbuddy by splitting the bill, because if your crushbuddy offered, they ostensibly meant it.^[5]

Easy enough, amirite?

We’ve Been Shagging for Months

If you’ve been shagging for months, you and your crushbuddy are (hopefully) pretty comfortable. You’ve decided you want to make it official, and to seal the deal, you…shag?

No. Well, yes, but in addition to other things. There’s nothing wrong with shagging for months, but if you both want to take it to the next level, you should probably take it somewhere other than the bedroom.

As mentioned in our previous post, dinner in its myriad combinations is never a bad idea, but since you and your crushbuddy already know each other (in the biblical sense and otherwise), you can be a little more creative. The kinds of first dates you see in romantic comedies are probably going to freak the hell out of some cute kid you’ve talked to twice in lab, but not someone you’ve known for a while. Hence, here follows a list of first dates Katherine Heigl has probably been on.

Walking Tour of Boston

Q: What is the Harvard student’s most underutilized resource?

A: Boston

We’ve met far too many students who’ve only been into Boston to see Harry Potter premieres, and this makes us very sad. Please make us happy again by utilizing one of these Boston itineraries on a date, friend date, or group outing.

1) The Historical Route: Check out the Freedom Trail and the Black Heritage Trail. Guided tours are available, but all the information you need for a DIY tour is on their websites. Walking the entire Freedom Trail takes several hours, so it’s probably best to just do one leg and grab a meal in the area. Tip: use Yelp‘s location-based search to find noms near your final destination.

2) Cosmopolitan Boston: Want to feel like you live in a city? Take the T to Copley Square and go for a stroll down Commonwealth Ave. Grab a meal (or a shopping bag or two) on Newbury Street and make a detour before or after to the Public Garden to hold hands and look at flowers (awwwwww). Restaurants in the area are notoriously expensive^[1], but here’s a list of moderately priced eateries in the area. We’ve also heard that Max Brenner on Boylston Street is a good place to stop in for a hearty and chocolatey dessert- don’t bother with the food food though, as it’s apparently atrocious.

3) New England Aquarium-North End (or North End-Aquarium): Please don’t be one of those kids who lives in Cambridge for four years and never sees the ocean. Start at the aquarium- there’s a seal tank outside that you can enjoy for free if you don’t feel like paying for admission ($20.95 a person w/ college id). Wander along the Central Wharf and Long Wharf HarborWalks, feel the ocean breeze in your hair, pull a Jack n Rose^[2], and when you get hungry, stroll on over to the North End for Boston’s famous Italian food. Recommended: Giacamo’s (although you’ll have to stand in line outside), Pomodoro, or if you just won the jackpot in one of those HBS studies, Neptune Oyster. For a quick snack, the cannoli at Mike’s Pastry is a Boston classic.

Art Museum

Are you and your hunnybunny the artsy-fartsy type? Take advantage of free admission to the MFA, the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, and the Institute of Contemporary Art.

The ICA is on the waterfront, so there’s a million seafood restaurants within walking distance, including the flagship Legal Seafoods, the Legal Test Kitchen, Yankee Lobster Fish Market, and James Hook & Co Lobsters. Time your visit to the ICA right, and you could catch a concert at the Bank of America Pavilion after dinner ^[3].

The MFA and the Gardner Museum are basically next-door neighbors, so if you were feeling particularly arty, you could hit up both in one day. If you cut through the Back Bay Fens^[4], you can get to Thaitation and Trattoria Toscana in 10-15 minutes, both of which are reputedly delicious. Alternatively, you can walk towards Symphony Hall. Along the route are a bunch of cafes and restaurants that cater to Northeastern students and are therefore both quick and budget-friendly. Lucy Ethiopian Cafe and Temptations Cafe are highly recommended. There’s also a sushi joint called Symphony Sushi if you ran out of Board Plus and are having sushi withdrawal.

Bow and Arrow Press

Last, but not least, if you’re looking for some on-campus action, check out the Bow and Arrow Press’s Open Press Nights, which according to their Facebook page are Wednesday from 7-10 (we would double check with them on the hours…it’s not clear when this was last updated). Craft-making dates are a fun and low-stress way to spend time with your snugglepumpkin^[5], with the added perk of getting to take something (in addition to someone) home. And the very best part? The Bow and Arrow Press is free for undergrads.